Libraries
23 August 201101:45AMthings
Fun Fact: H.P. Lovecraft wrote terrifying horror stories, while S.J. Bloodmangle wrote bestselling erotic romance.
Here are some facts about libraries:
- Libraries are full of books. Lots and lots of books.
- Not all libraries have a fiction section. But this doesn't mean they don't contain any fiction! For example, 813 in the Dewey decimal system is for 'American Literature in English - Fiction."
- At the Reid Library at the University of Western Australia, this section is on the second floor. The second floor has lots of books and no computers, and is thus rarely visited by students. This makes it very quiet.
- If a library is big enough, eventually they will start stocking all sorts of things which you didn't think belonged in a Serious Academic Resource™. Things like science fiction, and H.P. Lovecraft stories.
- Since it is a Serious Academic Resource™ though, many of those books you wouldn't expect to find are not just there, but have actual serious academic material about them shelved next to them.
- Not only do libraries have lots of books, they also give you a place to keep them! So if you can't fit all the ones you want in your bag, don't panic- just put them back on the shelf. The chances that anyone else will actually go looking for that particular book are pretty slim.
- Contrary to popular belief, the reserve section is not for the most important books. It is actually a prison, for the most boring books, to stop them infesting the rest of the library. When a boring book is found, it is added to the reserve collection to keep it from passing its disease on to actual good books.
- Libraries are bigger on the inside than they are on the outside! Yes, it's true!
- Librarians come in many varieties, like bats. The smaller the library, the more territorial and vicious the
batslibrarians. So if you're in a three-storey monstrosity, feel free to approach them- but at a school library, make sure you have your crossbow loaded. - There are over seventeen thousand ways to be banned from the library. Of these, at least six hundred involve peanut paste, and of those, nine recorded cases have resulted in the death of the offender at the
fangshands of vengefulbatslibrarians. A complete catalogue of ways to be banned from the library can be found in Dewey section 025. - It is rumoured that placing a dictionary on your feet and smearing ink across your face while standing on your head will grant you the power of flight inside the library.
- It is also rumoured that the previous rumour is a falsehood spread by
batslibrarians to lure unsuspecting library-dwellers into breaking rule #342.7, subsection 88: "Commision of gymnastic activities involving reference books and/or indelible ink within the confines of the library is grounds for summary execution by hanging without trial." - If you subscribe to the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics, a library contains millions of alternate permutations of reality, resulting in a greatly weakened fabric of spacetime. Unfortunately, attempting to jump into a book to access an alternate universe is frowned upon, and may be misconstrued as an attempt at gymnastics, leading to hanging.
- Until the invention of paper, libraries were simply collections of old people, trapped in bat-infested caves. This made checking one out almost impossible. When books were invented in late 1996, libraries found that there was no longer any need to run 'Care and Feeding of Old People' classes, nor to buy massive quantities of knitting supplies and iced biscuits. The resulting economic collapse cost the global economy over nineteen quadrillion pesos.
And now you know all about libraries
< Typewritten?! Tradition doesn't make sense. >